Miranda: English II, Section F

I thought I had already written a reflection on my speech, but maybe it has been good for me to ponder the ideas I explored in writing my speech for the last couple of weeks. I have thought about the ideas in my speech, definitely on College Tour, and even in my everyday school life, and the contrast to my school life of being on Spring Break.

It is very interesting that when people who are giving their speeches now, or gave it in the last week ask me what my speech was about, I can’t really give them a plain answer, because the truth is, it is about a lot of things. It is about my life, my life on a day to day basis, the lives of my schoolmates and peers, and the stress of the future-bound society that we live in. And it is about how easy it is to lose track of your dreams and who you truly are because you are too busy focusing on what is best for your future, or how to do the best at everything. This was especially clear to me in the speeches of the girls in my class, two of whom expressed their feelings about their parents expecting them to do something with their lives, or even not giving them the freedom or choice to make other decisions. I envy those people who know what they want to do in the future, or who resist the boundaries set down by their parents because they feel passionately about doing something different from what their parents want them to. What I know, is that I love Spanish and I love High Jump, and I love Soccer, and I love my family, and I love school (except for the stress part of it), and I love writing, and reading, and reading poetry, and watching movies, and being able to decide to go to sleep when I am tired, which is completely out of the question on school nights, and often on weekends as well, I love  so many things, and so many more things than are on this small list of things, but, the truth is, I still don’t know what I want to do with my future. I honestly don’t think my parents put pressure on me, at least not verbally, aside from the fact that I cringe to think about telling my parents about a bad grade I got. I think most of the pressure comes from myself, ever since I got straight A’s on my first report card at John Burroughs Middle School, I have strived for that perfect record in all of my classes, although I have somewhat lowered my standards, because I am currently taking much harder classes than I encountered in my entire middle school career, and because in some classes, I know that I struggle, and I accept my grades as the best I can do. However, in most cases, that still doesn’t mean that I don’t think about how I could have done better in each class, or what, if anything had gone wrong that quarter or semester that would have lowered my grade.

One of the themes of my speech, the future-bound society that we live in has certainly affected me in the last three weeks, I was recently on College Tour, and then, once we got back to school, we went straight into course planning for the next year. After learning about how we should take all the APs we could handle on College Tour, Mrs. Hotchkiss reminded us that we should only take AP or Honors courses in the classes that we really enjoy. Those seem to be two contradictory ideas to me, and while looking to the future, taking as many APs as I can, or at least the most challenging courses, seems to be the best bet.

In terms of the stress of my everyday life, which I also talked about in my speech, I have a Math test tomorrow, a Spanish Quest and English presentation on Tuesday, a Chemistry quiz on Thursday or Friday, and I am awake right now, at 11:15 p.m. on a Sunday night, already putting myself in a position of not enough sleep, and the school week hasn’t even begun. But, honestly, I don’t feel stressed right now, maybe because blogging makes me happy and relaxes me because it lets me let out whatever I have been holding in from the rest of the world. I don’t really know why. Maybe because I don’t have a Math test today, but then when I wake up tomorrow, all the stress will be back because I have a Math test tomorrow. I don’t know.

Thinking back on my speech, I remember that it was a really great experience for me. Especially being able to explore defying the society that I have always taken for granted the way it is, or as the way it should be in my speech. I really enjoyed being able to share my thoughts and ideas with my fellow peers, because I know that they too, experience the stress and pressure of the future-bound society that we live in, and the pressure to always strive to do your best. John Wooden describes success as a “peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.” That’s all fine and good, and for a while I accepted it as a great piece of wisdom, and was comforted in knowing that whatever my achievement or lack thereof, as long as I did my best, there was nothing better I could have done, it didn’t matter what the score was. As long as I did my best, there was no point in worrying what I could have done differently to increase the score or make it better, I did my best and that was all that could be expected of me. But now, I realize, that the mantra doesn’t quite function, if you don’t trust yourself to evaluate whether you did your best or not. Even if I achieve the best, I always think, well, was there something I could have done better? If I don’t achieve the best, there must have been something I did wrong, or something that went wrong, or some excuse that could be made for why I didn’t achieve the best I could have. What I didn’t understand before was the importance of understanding when you did your best, and when you could have done better, something that only you can evaluate, and something which I am not yet capable of evaluating.

Overall, I think the speech project was a great experience. Writing it, and delivering it and communicating it to the class. I think my peers identified with the stress and pressure I feel come as a result of the society that we live in, and as a result of our own personal mentalities that we each as individuals have. I feel that the ideas I explored were very relevant to my life, and I look forward to blogging more about them in the future, and as I explore more ways of thinking about them.

Thank You SO Much.

The Importance of Asking…Why?

I wake up. I pressthe button on my alarm that lets me sleep for 4-minute increments until Ifinally get myself out of bed and turn off my alarm clock. I take off mycovers, and climb down the ladder. I go to the bathroom, put on my clothes,brush my hair, and wash my face. I put on sun block, take my socks from thestool in the bathroom, and go upstairs. Then I sit down at my desk and do myhomework. Most days, I eat my breakfast while I work. Some days I don’t eat mybreakfast at all. Other days, I eat some while I work and take the rest toschool with me. Then my parents tell me to pack up. I run downstairs, pack upmy clothes for track, pack my rolling backpack with my textbooks, my backpackwith what I need for the first few periods, my track bag, and put these bagsand my lunchbox by the door. Then I brush my teeth, and jump in the car with mybags. Then my dad drives my sister and I to school. We usually leave late,which is, more often than not, my fault. When we get there, the bell is ringingand the security guard in the front is yelling, “let’s go ladies!” I jump outof the car, grab my bags and say, “I love you” to my dad. I run through thefront gates, rush to advisory, and tell Mr. Krewatch that I am here. After twominutes of waiting in the room for the second bell to ring, I am vaguely awareof a nagging feeling that I should be working on my homework, or studying, ordoing something “productive,” but then the bell rings, and it’s too lateanyway. I rush off to first period, which, on the first day of the rotation isChemistry. Chemistry notes. Yeah. Then I have C period, some days it is singingspecial studies with Mr. Scarbrough, some days it is free. I have free at Dtoo, which I always work all the way through, unless I have a meeting with ateacher. At E period, APUS, I hope he doesn’t collect chapter notes. Then Iwould probably have lunch. If I don’t have a meeting, then I glance out at theglistening green grass of the field and vibrant faces of people laughing andenjoying lunch with their friends. Then I disappointedly retreat to a classroomto work through lunch. At F, English, I prepare my brain for a discussion ofZoot Suit or other American Literature. G: Free, or in other words, a 45 minutestudy hall. H: Spanish III Honors: Most days we do current event reading, APlistenings, and go over the homework from the night before. I: Precalculus. Ihope I understand the notes, otherwise my homework will be impossible. The bellrings, I rush to the restroom to change for track. Hopefully the big stall isopen, I always feel cramped in the little stalls. I change, put my hair in aponytail, and change into my running shoes. At practice I run, or high jump,and then I go home. On Monday and Wednesday I have soccer afterward, and then Iget home at 8:30 p.m. I finish my work, take a bath or shower, and go to bed. Ilook forward to going to bed all day. Usually, from the moment I wake up, Iwant to go back to sleep. I love feeling safe and not stressed, and feeling warmand comfortable under my covers. Sometimes I pull the covers all the way overmy head, as if to hide from the stress and the pressure. But then I get up thenext morning and go through the same routine. What I have failed to ask myselfbefore now is…why do I do this to myself? Why do I do the same thing everyday?I focus on trying to get through each day, and do my best at everything. Is itbecause of the achievement bound society that I live in? Is it the collegementality that many people have? I don’t know what college I want to go to. Idon’t know anything about what college I want to go to. I don’t know what Iwant to major in, or what job I want to have. I don’t know what I want to dowith my life. But I accept this rigorous daily schedule each day, for what? Iguess to prepare myself for a better future, to do the best I can now so that Iwill have a head start later in life, because I worked so hard. I don’t know. Iam sure that many of you have similar daily schedules like me, or maybe even morerigorous and stressful. Why do we do this to ourselves you guys? Why have Ibeen stuck in this cycle of trying to do better at everything? Why have I neverquestioned the system, this cycle that we are stuck in day in and day out?Maybe because I am scared of my unknown future, and it is easier to deal withgetting through each day than to question why I do things. Maybe I know I can’tescape from this cycle, and I think that if I try I’ll just make things worse.

            Afterhigh school, hopefully we will all go to college, and then some of us will goto medical school, or get a PhD., then we’ll get a job, and then we’ll get abetter job, and then we’ll get an even better job, and then we’ll get a betterjob than that job and so on and so forth. In our society we are always tryingto improve or do better, if you take a break, or try to escape from the system,it seems like you just fall flat on your face, you have to start back at squareone. How did our society get like this? How is it possible that we get negativelyaffected by taking a simple break? And why don’t we question the way oursociety is? I think it is because we think that if we defy the system, then wewill lose something, like our job, or money, a grade on a test, precious timeto work hard and do better. I am scared to question the system for fear of whatwill happen if I do. Why have I never asked myself, why do I do this to myself?Because it seems like there is no other way. If I want to succeed, everyonesays I have to get a good education, and do well in school. I feel like I haveno choice than but to go along with the system. It’s not that I want to be thebest, it’s that that is what expected of me. Who expects that of me? Society, Iguess. Who says, you have to keep pushing until you get to the top? I think itis the American mentality, which seems to encourage us not to be satisfied withwhat we have. It’s as if this cycle is some crazy never ending circus, and youhave to keep jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to get to the next level,and the next level, and the next level, and then what? Get to an even higherlevel, I guess.

What I am tryingto get across to you guys, is that, even though we live in this society that isso achievement bound and it seems like people are never satisfied with whatthey have, it is important to question the system. Ask yourself, why do I dothis to myself everyday? In this stressful society, I lost track of my dreams,I don’t even know if I have dreams, or what they are if I do. At least, if Ihaven’t lost track of my dreams, I don’t think about them on a daily basis,because I am too busy trying to get through each day. But now, I know that Ihave some power over this crazy society, we all do, in fact, I think it is evena responsibility, to question society, even defy it. It seems like society orthe cycle, or whatever the THING is that tells us that we have to do our bestand go through these stressful daily routines is trying to get us stuck in thiscycle, without hope, and stressed out. We didn’t have a choice to be thrustinto this society, but we have the opportunity to defy it. Because do you knowwhat is even scarier than losing track of your dreams? Losing track of yourself. We live in this cycle, I know I for one, am stuck in it, we take thingsfor granted, we think that this path through life is what we should be doing.No. We have to figure some things out for ourselves, we need to figure out ourdreams and take time out of each day to think about them. We can’t just acceptliving one way or another. We need to question things, defy them sometimes,otherwise, guys, we’ll lose a sense of who we are, our individual identities,and personalities. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the bigpicture. Hey, guys, we’re alive, we should be happy just for that, and the factthat we are blessed to be living in this world, in this time, in this place. Ifyou take one thing away from this speech, love life, love who you are, hold onto the things you love, and definitely don’t be afraid to question things.Because sometimes it seems like trying harder and doing better are the onlythings that matter, but that is not true, and I think we all know that deep,deep down.

The Importance of Asking…Why?

I wake up. I pressthe button on my alarm that lets me sleep for 4-minute increments until Ifinally get myself out of bed and turn off my alarm clock. I take off mycovers, and climb down the ladder. I go to the bathroom, put on my clothes,brush my hair, and wash my face. I put on sun block, take my socks from thestool in the bathroom, and go upstairs. Then I sit down at my desk and do myhomework. Most days, I eat my breakfast while I work. Some days I don’t eat mybreakfast at all. Other days, I eat some while I work and take the rest toschool with me. Then my parents tell me to pack up. I run downstairs, pack upmy clothes for track, pack my rolling backpack with my textbooks, my backpackwith what I need for the first few periods, my track bag, and put these bagsand my lunchbox by the door. Then I brush my teeth, and jump in the car with mybags. Then my dad drives my sister and I to school. We usually leave late,which is, more often than not, my fault. When we get there, the bell is ringingand the security guard in the front is yelling, “let’s go ladies!” I jump outof the car, grab my bags and say, “I love you” to my dad. I run through thefront gates, rush to advisory, and tell Mr. Krewatch that I am here. After twominutes of waiting in the room for the second bell to ring, I am vaguely awareof a nagging feeling that I should be working on my homework, or studying, ordoing something “productive,” but then the bell rings, and it’s too lateanyway. I rush off to first period, which, on the first day of the rotation isChemistry. Chemistry notes. Yeah. Then I have C period, some days it is singingspecial studies with Mr. Scarbrough, some days it is free. I have free at Dtoo, which I always work all the way through, unless I have a meeting with ateacher. At E period, APUS, I hope he doesn’t collect chapter notes. Then Iwould probably have lunch. If I don’t have a meeting, then I glance out at theglistening green grass of the field and vibrant faces of people laughing andenjoying lunch with their friends. Then I disappointedly retreat to a classroomto work through lunch. At F, English, I prepare my brain for a discussion ofZoot Suit or other American Literature. G: Free, or in other words, a 45 minutestudy hall. H: Spanish III Honors: Most days we do current event reading, APlistenings, and go over the homework from the night before. I: Precalculus. Ihope I understand the notes, otherwise my homework will be impossible. The bellrings, I rush to the restroom to change for track. Hopefully the big stall isopen, I always feel cramped in the little stalls. I change, put my hair in aponytail, and change into my running shoes. At practice I run, or high jump,and then I go home. On Monday and Wednesday I have soccer afterward, and then Iget home at 8:30 p.m. I finish my work, take a bath or shower, and go to bed. Ilook forward to going to bed all day. Usually, from the moment I wake up, Iwant to go back to sleep. I love feeling safe and not stressed, and feeling warmand comfortable under my covers. Sometimes I pull the covers all the way overmy head, as if to hide from the stress and the pressure. But then I get up thenext morning and go through the same routine. What I have failed to ask myselfbefore now is…why do I do this to myself? Why do I do the same thing everyday?I focus on trying to get through each day, and do my best at everything. Is itbecause of the achievement bound society that I live in? Is it the collegementality that many people have? I don’t know what college I want to go to. Idon’t know anything about what college I want to go to. I don’t know what Iwant to major in, or what job I want to have. I don’t know what I want to dowith my life. But I accept this rigorous daily schedule each day, for what? Iguess to prepare myself for a better future, to do the best I can now so that Iwill have a head start later in life, because I worked so hard. I don’t know. Iam sure that many of you have similar daily schedules like me, or maybe even morerigorous and stressful. Why do we do this to ourselves you guys? Why have Ibeen stuck in this cycle of trying to do better at everything? Why have I neverquestioned the system, this cycle that we are stuck in day in and day out?Maybe because I am scared of my unknown future, and it is easier to deal withgetting through each day than to question why I do things. Maybe I know I can’tescape from this cycle, and I think that if I try I’ll just make things worse.

            Afterhigh school, hopefully we will all go to college, and then some of us will goto medical school, or get a PhD., then we’ll get a job, and then we’ll get abetter job, and then we’ll get an even better job, and then we’ll get a betterjob than that job and so on and so forth. In our society we are always tryingto improve or do better, if you take a break, or try to escape from the system,it seems like you just fall flat on your face, you have to start back at squareone. How did our society get like this? How is it possible that we get negativelyaffected by taking a simple break? And why don’t we question the way oursociety is? I think it is because we think that if we defy the system, then wewill lose something, like our job, or money, a grade on a test, precious timeto work hard and do better. I am scared to question the system for fear of whatwill happen if I do. Why have I never asked myself, why do I do this to myself?Because it seems like there is no other way. If I want to succeed, everyonesays I have to get a good education, and do well in school. I feel like I haveno choice than but to go along with the system. It’s not that I want to be thebest, it’s that that is what expected of me. Who expects that of me? Society, Iguess. Who says, you have to keep pushing until you get to the top? I think itis the American mentality, which seems to encourage us not to be satisfied withwhat we have. It’s as if this cycle is some crazy never ending circus, and youhave to keep jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to get to the next level,and the next level, and the next level, and then what? Get to an even higherlevel, I guess.

What I am tryingto get across to you guys, is that, even though we live in this society that isso achievement bound and it seems like people are never satisfied with whatthey have, it is important to question the system. Ask yourself, why do I dothis to myself everyday? In this stressful society, I lost track of my dreams,I don’t even know if I have dreams, or what they are if I do. At least, if Ihaven’t lost track of my dreams, I don’t think about them on a daily basis,because I am too busy trying to get through each day. But now, I know that Ihave some power over this crazy society, we all do, in fact, I think it is evena responsibility, to question society, even defy it. It seems like society orthe cycle, or whatever the THING is that tells us that we have to do our bestand go through these stressful daily routines is trying to get us stuck in thiscycle, without hope, and stressed out. We didn’t have a choice to be thrustinto this society, but we have the opportunity to defy it. Because do you knowwhat is even scarier than losing track of your dreams? Losing track of yourself. We live in this cycle, I know I for one, am stuck in it, we take thingsfor granted, we think that this path through life is what we should be doing.No. We have to figure some things out for ourselves, we need to figure out ourdreams and take time out of each day to think about them. We can’t just acceptliving one way or another. We need to question things, defy them sometimes,otherwise, guys, we’ll lose a sense of who we are, our individual identities,and personalities. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the bigpicture. Hey, guys, we’re alive, we should be happy just for that, and the factthat we are blessed to be living in this world, in this time, in this place. Ifyou take one thing away from this speech, love life, love who you are, hold onto the things you love, and definitely don’t be afraid to question things.Because sometimes it seems like trying harder and doing better are the onlythings that matter, but that is not true, and I think we all know that deep,deep down.

The Importance of Asking…Why?

I wake up. I press the button on my alarm that lets me sleep for 4-minute increments until I finally get myself out of bed and turn off my alarm clock. I take off my covers, and climb down the ladder. I go to the bathroom, put on my clothes, brush my hair, and wash my face. I put on sun block, take my socks from the stool in the bathroom, and go upstairs. Then I sit down at my desk and do my homework. Most days, I eat my breakfast while I work. Some days I don’t eat my breakfast at all. Other days, I eat some while I work and take the rest to school with me. Then my parents tell me to pack up. I run downstairs, pack up my clothes for track, pack my rolling backpack with my textbooks, my backpack with what I need for the first few periods, my track bag, and put these bags and my lunchbox by the door. Then I brush my teeth, and jump in the car with my bags. Then my dad drives my sister and I to school. We usually leave late, which is, more often than not, my fault. When we get there, the bell is ringing and the security guard in the front is yelling, “let’s go ladies!” I jump out of the car, grab my bags and say, “I love you” to my dad. I run through the front gates, rush to advisory, and tell Mr. Krewatch that I am here. After two minutes of waiting in the room for the second bell to ring, I am vaguely aware of a nagging feeling that I should be working on my homework, or studying, or doing something “productive,” but then the bell rings, and it’s too late anyway. I rush off to first period, which, on the first day of the rotation is Chemistry. Chemistry notes. Yeah. Then I have C period, some days it is singing special studies with Mr. Scarbrough, some days it is free. I have free at D too, which I always work all the way through, unless I have a meeting with a teacher. At E period, APUS, I hope he doesn’t collect chapter notes. Then I would probably have lunch. If I don’t have a meeting, then I glance out at the glistening green grass of the field and vibrant faces of people laughing and enjoying lunch with their friends. Then I disappointedly retreat to a classroom to work through lunch. At F, English, I prepare my brain for a discussion of Zoot Suit or other American Literature. G: Free, or in other words, a 45 minute study hall. H: Spanish III Honors: Most days we do current event reading, AP listenings, and go over the homework from the night before. I: Precalculus. I hope I understand the notes, otherwise my homework will be impossible. The bell rings, I rush to the restroom to change for track. Hopefully the big stall is open, I always feel cramped in the little stalls. I change, put my hair in a ponytail, and change into my running shoes. At practice I run, or high jump, and then I go home. On Monday and Wednesday I have soccer afterward, and then I get home at 8:30 p.m. I finish my work, take a bath or shower, and go to bed. I look forward to going to bed all day. Usually, from the moment I wake up, I want to go back to sleep. I love feeling safe and not stressed, and feeling warm and comfortable under my covers. Sometimes I pull the covers all the way over my head, as if to hide from the stress and the pressure. But then I get up the next morning and go through the same routine. What I have failed to ask myself before now is…why do I do this to myself? Why do I do the same thing everyday? I focus on trying to get through each day, and do my best at everything. Is it because of the achievement bound society that I live in? Is it the college mentality that many people have? I don’t know what college I want to go to. I don’t know anything about what college I want to go to. I don’t know what I want to major in, or what job I want to have. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. But I accept this rigorous daily schedule each day, for what? I guess to prepare myself for a better future, to do the best I can now so that I will have a head start later in life, because I worked so hard. I don’t know. I am sure that many of you have similar daily schedules like me, or maybe even more rigorous and stressful. Why do we do this to ourselves you guys? Why have I been stuck in this cycle of trying to do better at everything? Why have I never questioned the system, this cycle that we are stuck in day in and day out? Maybe because I am scared of my unknown future, and it is easier to deal with getting through each day than to question why I do things. Maybe I know I can’t escape from this cycle, and I think that if I try I’ll just make things worse.

            After high school, hopefully we will all go to college, and then some of us will go to medical school, or get a PhD., then we’ll get a job, and then we’ll get a better job, and then we’ll get an even better job, and then we’ll get a better job than that job and so on and so forth. In our society we are always trying to improve or do better, if you take a break, or try to escape from the system, it seems like you just fall flat on your face, you have to start back at square one. How did our society get like this? How is it possible that we get negatively affected by taking a simple break? And why don’t we question the way our society is? I think it is because we think that if we defy the system, then we will lose something, like our job, or money, a grade on a test, precious time to work hard and do better. I am scared to question the system for fear of what will happen if I do. Why have I never asked myself, why do I do this to myself? Because it seems like there is no other way. If I want to succeed, everyone says I have to get a good education, and do well in school. I feel like I have no choice than but to go along with the system. It’s not that I want to be the best, it’s that that is what expected of me. Who expects that of me? Society, I guess. Who says, you have to keep pushing until you get to the top? I think it is the American mentality, which seems to encourage us not to be satisfied with what we have. It’s as if this cycle is some crazy never ending circus, and you have to keep jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to get to the next level, and the next level, and the next level, and then what? Get to an even higher level, I guess.

What I am trying to get across to you guys, is that, even though we live in this society that is so achievement bound and it seems like people are never satisfied with what they have, it is important to question the system. Ask yourself, why do I do this to myself everyday? In this stressful society, I lost track of my dreams, I don’t even know if I have dreams, or what they are if I do. At least, if I haven’t lost track of my dreams, I don’t think about them on a daily basis, because I am too busy trying to get through each day. But now, I know that I have some power over this crazy society, we all do, in fact, I think it is even a responsibility, to question society, even defy it. It seems like society or the cycle, or whatever the THING is that tells us that we have to do our best and go through these stressful daily routines is trying to get us stuck in this cycle, without hope, and stressed out. We didn’t have a choice to be thrust into this society, but we have the opportunity to defy it. Because do you know what is even scarier than losing track of your dreams? Losing track of your self. We live in this cycle, I know I for one, am stuck in it, we take things for granted, we think that this path through life is what we should be doing. No. We have to figure some things out for ourselves, we need to figure out our dreams and take time out of each day to think about them. We can’t just accept living one way or another. We need to question things, defy them sometimes, otherwise, guys, we’ll lose a sense of who we are, our individual identities, and personalities. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Hey, guys, we’re alive, we should be happy just for that, and the fact that we are blessed to be living in this world, in this time, in this place. If you take one thing away from this speech, love life, love who you are, hold on to the things you love, and definitely don’t be afraid to question things. Because sometimes it seems like trying harder and doing better are the only things that matter, but that is not true, and I think we all know that deep, deep down.

The Importance of Asking…Why?

I wake up. I press the button on my alarm that lets me sleep for 4-minute increments until I finally get myself out of bed and turn off my alarm clock. I take off my covers, and climb down the ladder. I go to the bathroom, put on my clothes, brush my hair, and wash my face. I put on sun block, take my socks from the stool in the bathroom, and go upstairs. Then I sit down at my desk and do my homework. Most days, I eat my breakfast while I work. Some days I don’t eat my breakfast at all. Other days, I eat some while I work and take the rest to school with me. Then my parents tell me to pack up. I run downstairs, pack up my clothes for track, pack my rolling backpack with my textbooks, my backpack with what I need for the first few periods, my track bag, and put these bags and my lunchbox by the door. Then I brush my teeth, and jump in the car with my bags. Then my dad drives my sister and I to school. We usually leave late, which is, more often than not, my fault. When we get there, the bell is ringing and the security guard in the front is yelling, “let’s go ladies!” I jump out of the car, grab my bags and say, “I love you” to my dad. I run through the front gates, rush to advisory, and tell Mr. Krewatch that I am here. After two minutes of waiting in the room for the second bell to ring, I am vaguely aware of a nagging feeling that I should be working on my homework, or studying, or doing something “productive,” but then the bell rings, and it’s too late anyway. I rush off to first period, which, on the first day of the rotation is Chemistry. Chemistry notes. Yeah. Then I have C period, some days it is singing special studies with Mr. Scarbrough, some days it is free. I have free at D too, which I always work all the way through, unless I have a meeting with a teacher. At E period, APUS, I hope he doesn’t collect chapter notes. Then I would probably have lunch. If I don’t have a meeting, then I glance out at the glistening green grass of the field and vibrant faces of people laughing and enjoying lunch with their friends. Then I disappointedly retreat to a classroom to work through lunch. At F, English, I prepare my brain for a discussion of Zoot Suit or other American Literature. G: Free, or in other words, a 45 minute study hall. H: Spanish III Honors: Most days we do current event reading, AP listenings, and go over the homework from the night before. I: Precalculus. I hope I understand the notes, otherwise my homework will be impossible. The bell rings, I rush to the restroom to change for track. Hopefully the big stall is open, I always feel cramped in the little stalls. I change, put my hair in a ponytail, and change into my running shoes. At practice I run, or high jump, and then I go home. On Monday and Wednesday I have soccer afterward, and then I get home at 8:30 p.m. I finish my work, take a bath or shower, and go to bed. I look forward to going to bed all day. Usually, from the moment I wake up, I want to go back to sleep. I love feeling safe and not stressed, and feeling warm and comfortable under my covers. Sometimes I pull the covers all the way over my head, as if to hide from the stress and the pressure. But then I get up the next morning and go through the same routine. What I have failed to ask myself before now is…why do I do this to myself? Why do I do the same thing everyday? I focus on trying to get through each day, and do my best at everything. Is it because of the achievement bound society that I live in? Is it the college mentality that many people have? I don’t know what college I want to go to. I don’t know anything about what college I want to go to. I don’t know what I want to major in, or what job I want to have. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. But I accept this rigorous daily schedule each day, for what? I guess to prepare myself for a better future, to do the best I can now so that I will have a head start later in life, because I worked so hard. I don’t know. I am sure that many of you have similar daily schedules like me, or maybe even more rigorous and stressful. Why do we do this to ourselves you guys? Why have I been stuck in this cycle of trying to do better at everything? Why have I never questioned the system, this cycle that we are stuck in day in and day out? Maybe because I am scared of my unknown future, and it is easier to deal with getting through each day than to question why I do things. Maybe I know I can’t escape from this cycle, and I think that if I try I’ll just make things worse.

            After high school, hopefully we will all go to college, and then some of us will go to medical school, or get a PhD., then we’ll get a job, and then we’ll get a better job, and then we’ll get an even better job, and then we’ll get a better job than that job and so on and so forth. In our society we are always trying to improve or do better, if you take a break, or try to escape from the system, it seems like you just fall flat on your face, you have to start back at square one. How did our society get like this? How is it possible that we get negatively affected by taking a simple break? And why don’t we question the way our society is? I think it is because we think that if we defy the system, then we will lose something, like our job, or money, a grade on a test, precious time to work hard and do better. I am scared to question the system for fear of what will happen if I do. Why have I never asked myself, why do I do this to myself? Because it seems like there is no other way. If I want to succeed, everyone says I have to get a good education, and do well in school. I feel like I have no choice than but to go along with the system. It’s not that I want to be the best, it’s that that is what expected of me. Who expects that of me? Society, I guess. Who says, you have to keep pushing until you get to the top? I think it is the American mentality, which seems to encourage us not to be satisfied with what we have. It’s as if this cycle is some crazy never ending circus, and you have to keep jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to get to the next level, and the next level, and the next level, and then what? Get to an even higher level, I guess.

What I am trying to get across to you guys, is that, even though we live in this society that is so achievement bound and it seems like people are never satisfied with what they have, it is important to question the system. Ask yourself, why do I do this to myself everyday? In this stressful society, I lost track of my dreams, I don’t even know if I have dreams, or what they are if I do. At least, if I haven’t lost track of my dreams, I don’t think about them on a daily basis, because I am too busy trying to get through each day. But now, I know that I have some power over this crazy society, we all do, in fact, I think it is even a responsibility, to question society, even defy it. It seems like society or the cycle, or whatever the THING is that tells us that we have to do our best and go through these stressful daily routines is trying to get us stuck in this cycle, without hope, and stressed out. We didn’t have a choice to be thrust into this society, but we have the opportunity to defy it. Because do you know what is even scarier than losing track of your dreams? Losing track of your self. We live in this cycle, I know I for one, am stuck in it, we take things for granted, we think that this path through life is what we should be doing. No. We have to figure some things out for ourselves, we need to figure out our dreams and take time out of each day to think about them. We can’t just accept living one way or another. We need to question things, defy them sometimes, otherwise, guys, we’ll lose a sense of who we are, our individual identities, and personalities. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Hey, guys, we’re alive, we should be happy just for that, and the fact that we are blessed to be living in this world, in this time, in this place. If you take one thing away from this speech, love life, love who you are, hold on to the things you love, and definitely don’t be afraid to question things. Because sometimes it seems like trying harder and doing better are the only things that matter, but that is not true, and I think we all know that deep, deep down.