Miranda: English II, Section F

Blog # 14: Last Blog: My Mission Statement/ The Rest of My Life 

Today is Saturday, and there is something on the assignment sheet that says that Thursday 4/24 (when I was not there) was the final day of discussion and “Last of the blogs”. So basically, I think this is my last blog. Which is a sad prospect, but, there is nothing holding me back from writing another blog, so, in other words, this doesn’t have to be my last blog. If I were to consider this my last blog, this would be what I would write, so, for the purpose of sticking to the assignment sheet, this is my last blog…

 

I want to talk about blogging in general. Blogging for me was undefined, when we didn’t have questions to answer, or weren’t assigned a topic to discuss, or didn’t have a painting to analyze, I was free to just talk about my feelings, blogging is like a diary or a letter to yourself, or a way to preserve or remember memories, or feelings, or things you did, that you don’t want to forget. Like in one of my blogs, I talked about my experiences in running Cross Country, and what happened when I was running one day, or I discussed a piece of literature, or a book we were reading by choice, because I thought that the themes and ideas being explored were interesting, and I wanted to explore them further. Blogs, are kind of a way to think about things and explore them, by writing about them. When I really got into blogging, which happened quite frequently, I could go on for pages and pages, just talking about anything I wanted to. I really enjoyed blogging this year. Not only because I was able to express and explore my feelings, but also because I learned a lot about myself this year, during class and blogging. I have kind of started to develop my own identity, from studying and exploring the American identity, in English class, and in all of my other classes, I have started to discover how I feel about different issues in the world and been able to discuss my reactions to certain events or experiences. I what I am talking about seems kind of broad and lacks specific examples, but blogging really has affected me and allowed me to be very honest about everything that I feel.

 

One of the most important things I have discovered about myself this year, not necessarily just from blogging or English, is my own curiosity and craving to know about things. Ms. Rochette put it very nicely when she said she thought I would enjoy AP English next year because of the discussions that I would be able to take part in. I really enjoyed the discussions I had this year in English, especially about themes of racism and America, and everything that forced to me to think outside of the box, or to think deeply about something, instead of just simple questions that didn’t involve much mental exploration. I think maybe my favorite verbs are inspire, explore, and imagine. I think that says a lot about me at this point in my life. I like to be inspired, whether it be by a great coach, a great teacher, something someone says to me, something that I feel, something I feel passionately about, something that I see or hear about, something that is unjust, something that I want to make better, and so many other things. A lot of things inspire me, sometimes the smallest things have the most impact, and inspiring things often happen when you least expect it. Going back to what Ms. Rochette said, she said: “you like to absorb things” or something along those lines, and it is so true, and I actually couldn’t have put it better myself. I want to explore things, explore other peoples ideas or beliefs, I want to listen to what people have to say and think about their opinions and experiences, I want to explore the knowledge that I learn in school, and explore the things that I hear about at school, and all around me. I want to explore global problems, I want to explore global warming, I want to explore sports and athletics, I want to explore love and kindness, I want to explore Spanish, I want to explore different cultures from my own. I want to explore everyday problems that people have, and problems that affect people around the world. And so much more. And I want to be inspired by all of these things to learn more, or take action against what I feel is wrong, or take action to support what I think is right, or create an organization to support something, and initiate change. Here is the truth about the world right now: there is a lot of happiness and prosperity, a lot of luxury, a lot of peace, a lot of freedom, a lot of passion, and love, and positive attitudes, and beauty, and enjoyment, and priveledge, but…there is also a lot of sadness and strife, and pain, and loss, and lack of opportunity, and corruption, and violence, and and lack of motivation, and death, and killing, and war, and fear, and negative attitudes. So I want to imagine a world where we can change so much of what makes people sad, where we can give everyone food and education, and opportunity to do what they want with their lives, because there are so many people out there who are limited to what their opportunities allow them to do, or what there parents tell them to do. It doesn’t have to be rebellion, but it has to be change. I don’t want a communistic world. But I want more equality, a smaller gap between rich and poor, or at least an awareness of the rich that the poor exist, and that the money they spend on silly material possessions could help someone in need. I am all for enjoying life, but I support enjoying it with an awareness of how much you can help other people. You don’t have to be rich to create change, you don’t have to donate money to make things better. Sometimes money is distance. It represents you putting a barrier between yourself and someone less fortunate than you. At some point between not caring, and donating money to put distance between yourself and someone in need, you have to break out and show you care. Help at a soup kitchen, visit a hospital, or a home for the elderly, show people you care. Show them you care how they feel and how their day went, show them you care that they get food, and a bed to sleep in, and are surrounded by support and love and friendship, and show them that you don’t need material possessions to love and enjoy life, all you need is love, all you need is the knowledge that someone cares about you, that someone believes in you, believes that you can succeed, and you can do whatever you want to. I want to help people and I want to be able to imagine a better world, and I want to make a difference in someone’s life, and I want to make a difference in the world, and I want to initiate change for the better.

 

So, that was the most amazing blog I have ever written, and that is a great way to end this amazing experience of blogging, because although it is the end of blogging, it is the beginning of the rest of my life, I have reached a conclusion, that will change, no doubt about that, but that will stay with me. And also because I can look back on this and remind myself of my purpose, my mission statement, that I wrote at age 15, on April 26, 2008, in tenth grade, when I was attending Marlborough school, but it is something that I know I will carry with me now and for the rest of my life. So thank you so much for reading this, because it certainly means a lot to me. Wow, I just don’t know how to end this blog, even though I know that it signifies a beginning with what I have said. So, I will just end it by saying thank you. Thank you for everything. THANK YOU. 

Blog # 13: Song of Solomon Overview, Exploration, and Reflection on Leading Discussion.

First of all, I am really enjoying reading the book. It is a great story, told with unbelievable writing, and interesting details about everything, all of which make it very hard to put down.

Ex. This morning, when I was reading up to page 298, I didn’t want to go any farther, for fear of contributing something to the discussion that we hadn’t all read yet. But I started reading onto page 299, accidentally and stopped immediately after noticing the page number. But then I was enjoying reading the book so much, and I didn’t want to stop, so I turned back to page 292 and read up to page 298 again.

I feel that this book almost inspires me to write a story, or that if I did want to write a story, I should read this story about 10 times in a row to absorb and take in all of the wonderful writing techniques Toni Morrison uses to communicate this story to the reader.

I just want to flip through the book and find passages that I made notes about in the book, indicating that I thought they were interesting or significant, and explore them more…(Also, I had a Track Meet this past Thursday, and I missed the discussion about pages 219-258, so I would like to explore those pages on my own.

Page 231: “Maybe it was the whiskey, which always made other people gracious when he drank it, but Milkman felt a glow listening to a story come from this man that he’d heard many times before but only half listened to. Or maybe it was being there in the place where it happened that made it seem so real. Hearing Pilate talk about caves and woods and earrings on Darling Street, or his father talk about cooking wild turkey over the automobile noise of Not Doctor Street, seemed exotic, something from another world and age, and maybe not even true. Here in the parsonage, sitting in a cane-bottomed chair near an upright piano and drinking homemade whiskey poured from a mayonnaise jar, it was real. Without knowing it, he had walked right by the place where Pilate’s earring had been fashioned, the earring that had fascinated him when he was little, the fixing of which informed the colored people here that the children of the murdered man were alive. And this was the living room of the son of he man who made the earring”

Milkman, starts believing the stories he had heard his whole life, that always seemed so distant and unreal, but being in the place where they happened and learning more about his past from other people helps him believe in them and have faith in what he has been told. He makes a lot of discoveries during this trip, not only about his past and the people around him, but about himself. I think he is transformed to a certain extent by the experience. ex. Later on…talks about how he really cares about his past and his relatives

Page 233: “ ‘I sort of wanted to see where it was since I’m out this way. Daddy talked so much about it.’”

Milkman sounds more mature and sincere, he sounds like he is really interested in learning about his past, and finding Circe. I think he is maturing and changing.

Page 235: from “you see?” To “pass it on!”

This passage sounded like a sermon to me, like a religious sermon. It is talking about the farm of Macon Dead (Milkman’s grandfather). And how it gave inspiration and motivation to all of the people in the town, and showed them the fruits of hard work and labor. Then after the passage is over, it talks about how then the Butlers shot Macon, and Milkman understands how that must have affected all of the people in the town. How it must have felt for them to see that this man who worked so hard to be successful, and achieved success in their eyes, and was a role model to all of them, got blown into a million pieces. Milkman describes it as the beginning of their deaths. This passage reminds me of the DVD we watched in class about with Henry Lewis Gates Jr., and the portion of the movie with the man who was in jail, and how the man said that he thought that there was so much crime, drugs, violence, and corruption where he lived because there were no proper role models for the children, no one for them to look up to. Many boys didn’t even have fathers to look up to. When they walked out their door, they didn’t see firemen, or police officers, or teachers, or educated, successful people that they could look up to. Instead, they saw drug addicts and dealers, fights and violence, guns and weapons, and that is all they had ever known. That is a really sad thing to think about.

Page 239: The Butler house seems corrupt and rotten to Milkman. Interestingly, it is the house of the people who murdered his grandfather, and, no doubt, would have murdered his father and aunt too, if they had found out that they were hiding in that very house.

Page 243: “Nervous love” : unhealthy relationship between Milkman’s grandparents

Page 250: “salt taste”. He has tasted that before, I think before he robbed Pilate of the green bag. Maybe it signifies that he is about to find gold, or at least that he thinks he is.

Page 264: children playing, talking about Solomon and flying, clearly very significant.

Page 265: image of the rooster: “A black rooster strutted by, its blood-red comb draped forward like a wicked brow. I wrote: “SCARY!!!” And “death?”

Page 266: Racial differences: “They looked at his skin and saw that it was as black as theirs, but they knew he had the heart of the white men who came to pick them up in the trucks when they needed anonymous, faceless laborers”

Faceless laborers: like slavery, loss of identity

White animals, especially white hens. After his encounter with Saul, Milkman kicks at a white hen, possibly metaphorical.

Page 277: Apparently he thought he deserved to be loved-from a distance, though-and given what he wanted. And in return he would be…what? Pleasant? Generous? Maybe all he was really saying was: I am not responsible for your pain; share your happiness with me but not your unhappiness.

Very revealing about Milkman’s character, he is discovering things about himself, and he is discovering how he feels about love.

Interesting passage: When Milkman’s new friends, Omar, etc. and he are cutting up the bobcat and Milkman keeps remembering things that Guitar said to him. I loved this passage. I think it is probably one of the most interesting passages of writing I have ever read in my whole life. It is SO COOL!!!

Reflection on Song of Solomon discussion: 

I think our (me and Taylor’s) Song of Solomon discussion went really well. It was interesting to lead the class in a discussion and listen to their ideas from a different perspective, as a teacher rather than as a peer, I mean, figuratively speaking, not literally.

I was really glad that, for the most part, we were able to discuss all of the things we had wanted to and give the class an in depth understanding (I hope) of the relationships that we learned about during our passage, which were: Hagar and Milkman, Ruth and Milkman, Ruth and Pilate, Guitar and Milkman, and general relationships in the community (based on the passage in which the people in the community are observing Hagar’s behavior towards Milkman.

Relevancy of themes in modern times?

Yes. Love, unhealthy love relationships. Exploring relationships between different characters and people. Race: certainly the discussion between Guitar and Milkman, an eye for an eye? Or, does that really justify killing another person? (Keeping in mind all of the wars that are going on at this point in time) Overgeneralizations about race, whites and blacks. What Guitar doesn’t realize is that he hasn’t witnessed or talked to whites and blacks from all across the country or all around the world.

It was really interesting to read the passage keeping in mind that I was going to have to lead a discussion on it. It was enjoyable finding the parts of the reading that I thought my class would enjoy talking about, or would feel strongly about.

I enjoyed preparing for the discussion, especially because both Taylor and I got very involved in the discussions that we had about our passage, and their implications, or metaphorical meanings, etc.

I really enjoyed talking about our passage, because it was revealing about so many characters and relationships between characters, and it was very interesting for me to explore these relationships on more than a reading level, but on a discussion-leading level. I was really interested in all of the relationships and characters that we explored in our discussion, more than one over the other. I especially enjoyed exploring the following…

Hagar relies on Milkman as her anchor/ Ruth relies on the water stain

Milkman as Ruth’s “single triumph over Macon, and what does he represent to her now, as a full grown man? How she used Milkman to fix another relationship in her life, and what does that say about him.

The fact that Ruth and Pilate rely on each other, and almost complete each other.

And MORE.THE END (of the longest blog ever written) 

Relationships Between CharactersHagar and Milkman”Who even now could walk freely into his room if she wanted to and smell his clothes, stroke his shoes and lay her head on the very spot where he had lain his. But what was more, this thin lemon-yellow woman knew with absolute certainty what Hagar would willingly have her throat torn out to know: that she would see him this very day. Jealousy loomed so large in her it made her tremble. Maybe you, she thought. Maybe it’s you I should be killing. Maybe then he would come to me and let me come to him. He is my home in this world. And then, aloud, “He is my home in this world.” (137)Analyze: he is my home in this worldWhat does a home do for people, what does a home do?He anchors her, like Ruth’s watermark anchors Ruth.Gives her a place to go back to. A root, something to hold on to.Two very different themes in this book: Flying and Holding on to things, not letting go of things ”Being five years older than he was and his cousin as well did nothing to dim her passion. In fact her maturity and blood kinship converted her passion to fever, so it was more affliction than affection. In literally knocked her down at night, and raised her up in the morning, for when she dragged herself off to be, having spent another day with out his presence, her heart beat like a gloved fist against her ribs. And in the morning, long before she was fully awake, she felt a longing so bitter and tight it yanked her out of a sleep swept clean of dreams.” (127)How does this passage and the language used characterize Hagar’s obsession, craze, etc.Why does Milkman’s absence affect her so deeply?Does she love him now? Did she love him before?Relationship, seemed only on a sexual level, didn’t really talk to each other, or at least, we haven’t heard about it if they did.How is Hagar transformed by Milkman’s suggestion of their breaking up. How does it affect Milkman, or does it? Is he sad about losing Hagar, Christmas note. Is he sad or just bored with her because she is too easy to get? Why does Milkman lose interest in her? Because she is too easy to get. Why did their relationship change?Ruth and Milkman 131 and 133Only triumph against her husband How is Milkman significant to Ruth? How does she fit in his life? Why does she go to Pilate’s house to see if it is true and threaten Hagar, if she kills him. Does she feel love for him?Ruth and PilateOpposites, and yet, kind of complete each other. Definitely rely on each other. Pilate relies on people needing her, she is like a black willow tree.Ruth relies on people to protect her (her father when he was alive) and especially Pilate when her father is no longer around. Pilate is just about the only person who can confront Macon.They both complete each otherSimilarities: both lacked (healthy) love in their childhood, rely on each other, have relationships with their dead fathers.Differences: Pilate is strong, Ruth is weak. Or at least, they represent two very different points on the spectrum of strength. That is why they complete each other, so opposite that they rely on each other. Relationships in the CommunityNot a big deal that Hagar is trying to kill Milkman, used to people affected by love gone wild and crazy. Almost none of them have normal relationships, so it is not really a big deal.

I thought I had already written a reflection on my speech, but maybe it has been good for me to ponder the ideas I explored in writing my speech for the last couple of weeks. I have thought about the ideas in my speech, definitely on College Tour, and even in my everyday school life, and the contrast to my school life of being on Spring Break.

 

It is very interesting that when people who are giving their speeches now, or gave it in the last week ask me what my speech was about, I can’t really give them a plain answer, because the truth is, it is about a lot of things. It is about my life, my life on a day to day basis, the lives of my schoolmates and peers, and the stress of the future-bound society that we live in. And it is about how easy it is to lose track of your dreams and who you truly are because you are too busy focusing on what is best for your future, or how to do the best at everything. This was especially clear to me in the speeches of the girls in my class, two of whom expressed their feelings about their parents expecting them to do something with their lives, or even not giving them the freedom or choice to make other decisions. I envy those people who know what they want to do in the future, or who resist the boundaries set down by their parents because they feel passionately about doing something different from what their parents want them to. What I know, is that I love Spanish and I love High Jump, and I love Soccer, and I love my family, and I love school (except for the stress part of it), and I love writing, and reading, and reading poetry, and watching movies, and being able to decide to go to sleep when I am tired, which is completely out of the question on school nights, and often on weekends as well, I love  so many things, and so many more things than are on this small list of things, but, the truth is, I still don’t know what I want to do with my future. I honestly don’t think my parents put pressure on me, at least not verbally, aside from the fact that I cringe to think about telling my parents about a bad grade I got. I think most of the pressure comes from myself, ever since I got straight A’s on my first report card at John Burroughs Middle School, I have strived for that perfect record in all of my classes, although I have somewhat lowered my standards, because I am currently taking much harder classes than I encountered in my entire middle school career, and because in some classes, I know that I struggle, and I accept my grades as the best I can do. However, in most cases, that still doesn’t mean that I don’t think about how I could have done better in each class, or what, if anything had gone wrong that quarter or semester that would have lowered my grade.

 

One of the themes of my speech, the future-bound society that we live in has certainly affected me in the last three weeks, I was recently on College Tour, and then, once we got back to school, we went straight into course planning for the next year. After learning about how we should take all the APs we could handle on College Tour, Mrs. Hotchkiss reminded us that we should only take AP or Honors courses in the classes that we really enjoy. Those seem to be two contradictory ideas to me, and while looking to the future, taking as many APs as I can, or at least the most challenging courses, seems to be the best bet.

 

In terms of the stress of my everyday life, which I also talked about in my speech, I have a Math test tomorrow, a Spanish Quest and English presentation on Tuesday, a Chemistry quiz on Thursday or Friday, and I am awake right now, at 11:15 p.m. on a Sunday night, already putting myself in a position of not enough sleep, and the school week hasn’t even begun. But, honestly, I don’t feel stressed right now, maybe because blogging makes me happy and relaxes me because it lets me let out whatever I have been holding in from the rest of the world. I don’t really know why. Maybe because I don’t have a Math test today, but then when I wake up tomorrow, all the stress will be back because I have a Math test tomorrow. I don’t know.

 

Thinking back on my speech, I remember that it was a really great experience for me. Especially being able to explore defying the society that I have always taken for granted the way it is, or as the way it should be in my speech. I really enjoyed being able to share my thoughts and ideas with my fellow peers, because I know that they too, experience the stress and pressure of the future-bound society that we live in, and the pressure to always strive to do your best. John Wooden describes success as a “peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.” That’s all fine and good, and for a while I accepted it as a great piece of wisdom, and was comforted in knowing that whatever my achievement or lack thereof, as long as I did my best, there was nothing better I could have done, it didn’t matter what the score was. As long as I did my best, there was no point in worrying what I could have done differently to increase the score or make it better, I did my best and that was all that could be expected of me. But now, I realize, that the mantra doesn’t quite function, if you don’t trust yourself to evaluate whether you did your best or not. Even if I achieve the best, I always think, well, was there something I could have done better? If I don’t achieve the best, there must have been something I did wrong, or something that went wrong, or some excuse that could be made for why I didn’t achieve the best I could have. What I didn’t understand before was the importance of understanding when you did your best, and when you could have done better, something that only you can evaluate, and something which I am not yet capable of evaluating.

 

Overall, I think the speech project was a great experience. Writing it, and delivering it and communicating it to the class. I think my peers identified with the stress and pressure I feel come as a result of the society that we live in, and as a result of our own personal mentalities that we each as individuals have. I feel that the ideas I explored were very relevant to my life, and I look forward to blogging more about them in the future, and as I explore more ways of thinking about them.

 

Thank You SO Much.

The Importance of Asking…Why?

 

I wake up. I pressthe button on my alarm that lets me sleep for 4-minute increments until Ifinally get myself out of bed and turn off my alarm clock. I take off mycovers, and climb down the ladder. I go to the bathroom, put on my clothes,brush my hair, and wash my face. I put on sun block, take my socks from thestool in the bathroom, and go upstairs. Then I sit down at my desk and do myhomework. Most days, I eat my breakfast while I work. Some days I don’t eat mybreakfast at all. Other days, I eat some while I work and take the rest toschool with me. Then my parents tell me to pack up. I run downstairs, pack upmy clothes for track, pack my rolling backpack with my textbooks, my backpackwith what I need for the first few periods, my track bag, and put these bagsand my lunchbox by the door. Then I brush my teeth, and jump in the car with mybags. Then my dad drives my sister and I to school. We usually leave late,which is, more often than not, my fault. When we get there, the bell is ringingand the security guard in the front is yelling, “let’s go ladies!” I jump outof the car, grab my bags and say, “I love you” to my dad. I run through thefront gates, rush to advisory, and tell Mr. Krewatch that I am here. After twominutes of waiting in the room for the second bell to ring, I am vaguely awareof a nagging feeling that I should be working on my homework, or studying, ordoing something “productive,” but then the bell rings, and it’s too lateanyway. I rush off to first period, which, on the first day of the rotation isChemistry. Chemistry notes. Yeah. Then I have C period, some days it is singingspecial studies with Mr. Scarbrough, some days it is free. I have free at Dtoo, which I always work all the way through, unless I have a meeting with ateacher. At E period, APUS, I hope he doesn’t collect chapter notes. Then Iwould probably have lunch. If I don’t have a meeting, then I glance out at theglistening green grass of the field and vibrant faces of people laughing andenjoying lunch with their friends. Then I disappointedly retreat to a classroomto work through lunch. At F, English, I prepare my brain for a discussion ofZoot Suit or other American Literature. G: Free, or in other words, a 45 minutestudy hall. H: Spanish III Honors: Most days we do current event reading, APlistenings, and go over the homework from the night before. I: Precalculus. Ihope I understand the notes, otherwise my homework will be impossible. The bellrings, I rush to the restroom to change for track. Hopefully the big stall isopen, I always feel cramped in the little stalls. I change, put my hair in aponytail, and change into my running shoes. At practice I run, or high jump,and then I go home. On Monday and Wednesday I have soccer afterward, and then Iget home at 8:30 p.m. I finish my work, take a bath or shower, and go to bed. Ilook forward to going to bed all day. Usually, from the moment I wake up, Iwant to go back to sleep. I love feeling safe and not stressed, and feeling warmand comfortable under my covers. Sometimes I pull the covers all the way overmy head, as if to hide from the stress and the pressure. But then I get up thenext morning and go through the same routine. What I have failed to ask myselfbefore now is…why do I do this to myself? Why do I do the same thing everyday?I focus on trying to get through each day, and do my best at everything. Is itbecause of the achievement bound society that I live in? Is it the collegementality that many people have? I don’t know what college I want to go to. Idon’t know anything about what college I want to go to. I don’t know what Iwant to major in, or what job I want to have. I don’t know what I want to dowith my life. But I accept this rigorous daily schedule each day, for what? Iguess to prepare myself for a better future, to do the best I can now so that Iwill have a head start later in life, because I worked so hard. I don’t know. Iam sure that many of you have similar daily schedules like me, or maybe even morerigorous and stressful. Why do we do this to ourselves you guys? Why have Ibeen stuck in this cycle of trying to do better at everything? Why have I neverquestioned the system, this cycle that we are stuck in day in and day out?Maybe because I am scared of my unknown future, and it is easier to deal withgetting through each day than to question why I do things. Maybe I know I can’tescape from this cycle, and I think that if I try I’ll just make things worse.

            Afterhigh school, hopefully we will all go to college, and then some of us will goto medical school, or get a PhD., then we’ll get a job, and then we’ll get abetter job, and then we’ll get an even better job, and then we’ll get a betterjob than that job and so on and so forth. In our society we are always tryingto improve or do better, if you take a break, or try to escape from the system,it seems like you just fall flat on your face, you have to start back at squareone. How did our society get like this? How is it possible that we get negativelyaffected by taking a simple break? And why don’t we question the way oursociety is? I think it is because we think that if we defy the system, then wewill lose something, like our job, or money, a grade on a test, precious timeto work hard and do better. I am scared to question the system for fear of whatwill happen if I do. Why have I never asked myself, why do I do this to myself?Because it seems like there is no other way. If I want to succeed, everyonesays I have to get a good education, and do well in school. I feel like I haveno choice than but to go along with the system. It’s not that I want to be thebest, it’s that that is what expected of me. Who expects that of me? Society, Iguess. Who says, you have to keep pushing until you get to the top? I think itis the American mentality, which seems to encourage us not to be satisfied withwhat we have. It’s as if this cycle is some crazy never ending circus, and youhave to keep jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to get to the next level,and the next level, and the next level, and then what? Get to an even higherlevel, I guess.

What I am tryingto get across to you guys, is that, even though we live in this society that isso achievement bound and it seems like people are never satisfied with whatthey have, it is important to question the system. Ask yourself, why do I dothis to myself everyday? In this stressful society, I lost track of my dreams,I don’t even know if I have dreams, or what they are if I do. At least, if Ihaven’t lost track of my dreams, I don’t think about them on a daily basis,because I am too busy trying to get through each day. But now, I know that Ihave some power over this crazy society, we all do, in fact, I think it is evena responsibility, to question society, even defy it. It seems like society orthe cycle, or whatever the THING is that tells us that we have to do our bestand go through these stressful daily routines is trying to get us stuck in thiscycle, without hope, and stressed out. We didn’t have a choice to be thrustinto this society, but we have the opportunity to defy it. Because do you knowwhat is even scarier than losing track of your dreams? Losing track of yourself. We live in this cycle, I know I for one, am stuck in it, we take thingsfor granted, we think that this path through life is what we should be doing.No. We have to figure some things out for ourselves, we need to figure out ourdreams and take time out of each day to think about them. We can’t just acceptliving one way or another. We need to question things, defy them sometimes,otherwise, guys, we’ll lose a sense of who we are, our individual identities,and personalities. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the bigpicture. Hey, guys, we’re alive, we should be happy just for that, and the factthat we are blessed to be living in this world, in this time, in this place. Ifyou take one thing away from this speech, love life, love who you are, hold onto the things you love, and definitely don’t be afraid to question things.Because sometimes it seems like trying harder and doing better are the onlythings that matter, but that is not true, and I think we all know that deep,deep down.

Miranda Landfield Section F

The Importance of Asking…Why?

 

I wake up. I pressthe button on my alarm that lets me sleep for 4-minute increments until Ifinally get myself out of bed and turn off my alarm clock. I take off mycovers, and climb down the ladder. I go to the bathroom, put on my clothes,brush my hair, and wash my face. I put on sun block, take my socks from thestool in the bathroom, and go upstairs. Then I sit down at my desk and do myhomework. Most days, I eat my breakfast while I work. Some days I don’t eat mybreakfast at all. Other days, I eat some while I work and take the rest toschool with me. Then my parents tell me to pack up. I run downstairs, pack upmy clothes for track, pack my rolling backpack with my textbooks, my backpackwith what I need for the first few periods, my track bag, and put these bagsand my lunchbox by the door. Then I brush my teeth, and jump in the car with mybags. Then my dad drives my sister and I to school. We usually leave late,which is, more often than not, my fault. When we get there, the bell is ringingand the security guard in the front is yelling, “let’s go ladies!” I jump outof the car, grab my bags and say, “I love you” to my dad. I run through thefront gates, rush to advisory, and tell Mr. Krewatch that I am here. After twominutes of waiting in the room for the second bell to ring, I am vaguely awareof a nagging feeling that I should be working on my homework, or studying, ordoing something “productive,” but then the bell rings, and it’s too lateanyway. I rush off to first period, which, on the first day of the rotation isChemistry. Chemistry notes. Yeah. Then I have C period, some days it is singingspecial studies with Mr. Scarbrough, some days it is free. I have free at Dtoo, which I always work all the way through, unless I have a meeting with ateacher. At E period, APUS, I hope he doesn’t collect chapter notes. Then Iwould probably have lunch. If I don’t have a meeting, then I glance out at theglistening green grass of the field and vibrant faces of people laughing andenjoying lunch with their friends. Then I disappointedly retreat to a classroomto work through lunch. At F, English, I prepare my brain for a discussion ofZoot Suit or other American Literature. G: Free, or in other words, a 45 minutestudy hall. H: Spanish III Honors: Most days we do current event reading, APlistenings, and go over the homework from the night before. I: Precalculus. Ihope I understand the notes, otherwise my homework will be impossible. The bellrings, I rush to the restroom to change for track. Hopefully the big stall isopen, I always feel cramped in the little stalls. I change, put my hair in aponytail, and change into my running shoes. At practice I run, or high jump,and then I go home. On Monday and Wednesday I have soccer afterward, and then Iget home at 8:30 p.m. I finish my work, take a bath or shower, and go to bed. Ilook forward to going to bed all day. Usually, from the moment I wake up, Iwant to go back to sleep. I love feeling safe and not stressed, and feeling warmand comfortable under my covers. Sometimes I pull the covers all the way overmy head, as if to hide from the stress and the pressure. But then I get up thenext morning and go through the same routine. What I have failed to ask myselfbefore now is…why do I do this to myself? Why do I do the same thing everyday?I focus on trying to get through each day, and do my best at everything. Is itbecause of the achievement bound society that I live in? Is it the collegementality that many people have? I don’t know what college I want to go to. Idon’t know anything about what college I want to go to. I don’t know what Iwant to major in, or what job I want to have. I don’t know what I want to dowith my life. But I accept this rigorous daily schedule each day, for what? Iguess to prepare myself for a better future, to do the best I can now so that Iwill have a head start later in life, because I worked so hard. I don’t know. Iam sure that many of you have similar daily schedules like me, or maybe even morerigorous and stressful. Why do we do this to ourselves you guys? Why have Ibeen stuck in this cycle of trying to do better at everything? Why have I neverquestioned the system, this cycle that we are stuck in day in and day out?Maybe because I am scared of my unknown future, and it is easier to deal withgetting through each day than to question why I do things. Maybe I know I can’tescape from this cycle, and I think that if I try I’ll just make things worse.

            Afterhigh school, hopefully we will all go to college, and then some of us will goto medical school, or get a PhD., then we’ll get a job, and then we’ll get abetter job, and then we’ll get an even better job, and then we’ll get a betterjob than that job and so on and so forth. In our society we are always tryingto improve or do better, if you take a break, or try to escape from the system,it seems like you just fall flat on your face, you have to start back at squareone. How did our society get like this? How is it possible that we get negativelyaffected by taking a simple break? And why don’t we question the way oursociety is? I think it is because we think that if we defy the system, then wewill lose something, like our job, or money, a grade on a test, precious timeto work hard and do better. I am scared to question the system for fear of whatwill happen if I do. Why have I never asked myself, why do I do this to myself?Because it seems like there is no other way. If I want to succeed, everyonesays I have to get a good education, and do well in school. I feel like I haveno choice than but to go along with the system. It’s not that I want to be thebest, it’s that that is what expected of me. Who expects that of me? Society, Iguess. Who says, you have to keep pushing until you get to the top? I think itis the American mentality, which seems to encourage us not to be satisfied withwhat we have. It’s as if this cycle is some crazy never ending circus, and youhave to keep jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to get to the next level,and the next level, and the next level, and then what? Get to an even higherlevel, I guess.

What I am tryingto get across to you guys, is that, even though we live in this society that isso achievement bound and it seems like people are never satisfied with whatthey have, it is important to question the system. Ask yourself, why do I dothis to myself everyday? In this stressful society, I lost track of my dreams,I don’t even know if I have dreams, or what they are if I do. At least, if Ihaven’t lost track of my dreams, I don’t think about them on a daily basis,because I am too busy trying to get through each day. But now, I know that Ihave some power over this crazy society, we all do, in fact, I think it is evena responsibility, to question society, even defy it. It seems like society orthe cycle, or whatever the THING is that tells us that we have to do our bestand go through these stressful daily routines is trying to get us stuck in thiscycle, without hope, and stressed out. We didn’t have a choice to be thrustinto this society, but we have the opportunity to defy it. Because do you knowwhat is even scarier than losing track of your dreams? Losing track of yourself. We live in this cycle, I know I for one, am stuck in it, we take thingsfor granted, we think that this path through life is what we should be doing.No. We have to figure some things out for ourselves, we need to figure out ourdreams and take time out of each day to think about them. We can’t just acceptliving one way or another. We need to question things, defy them sometimes,otherwise, guys, we’ll lose a sense of who we are, our individual identities,and personalities. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the bigpicture. Hey, guys, we’re alive, we should be happy just for that, and the factthat we are blessed to be living in this world, in this time, in this place. Ifyou take one thing away from this speech, love life, love who you are, hold onto the things you love, and definitely don’t be afraid to question things.Because sometimes it seems like trying harder and doing better are the onlythings that matter, but that is not true, and I think we all know that deep,deep down.

Miranda Landfield Section F

The Importance of Asking…Why?

 

I wake up. I press the button on my alarm that lets me sleep for 4-minute increments until I finally get myself out of bed and turn off my alarm clock. I take off my covers, and climb down the ladder. I go to the bathroom, put on my clothes, brush my hair, and wash my face. I put on sun block, take my socks from the stool in the bathroom, and go upstairs. Then I sit down at my desk and do my homework. Most days, I eat my breakfast while I work. Some days I don’t eat my breakfast at all. Other days, I eat some while I work and take the rest to school with me. Then my parents tell me to pack up. I run downstairs, pack up my clothes for track, pack my rolling backpack with my textbooks, my backpack with what I need for the first few periods, my track bag, and put these bags and my lunchbox by the door. Then I brush my teeth, and jump in the car with my bags. Then my dad drives my sister and I to school. We usually leave late, which is, more often than not, my fault. When we get there, the bell is ringing and the security guard in the front is yelling, “let’s go ladies!” I jump out of the car, grab my bags and say, “I love you” to my dad. I run through the front gates, rush to advisory, and tell Mr. Krewatch that I am here. After two minutes of waiting in the room for the second bell to ring, I am vaguely aware of a nagging feeling that I should be working on my homework, or studying, or doing something “productive,” but then the bell rings, and it’s too late anyway. I rush off to first period, which, on the first day of the rotation is Chemistry. Chemistry notes. Yeah. Then I have C period, some days it is singing special studies with Mr. Scarbrough, some days it is free. I have free at D too, which I always work all the way through, unless I have a meeting with a teacher. At E period, APUS, I hope he doesn’t collect chapter notes. Then I would probably have lunch. If I don’t have a meeting, then I glance out at the glistening green grass of the field and vibrant faces of people laughing and enjoying lunch with their friends. Then I disappointedly retreat to a classroom to work through lunch. At F, English, I prepare my brain for a discussion of Zoot Suit or other American Literature. G: Free, or in other words, a 45 minute study hall. H: Spanish III Honors: Most days we do current event reading, AP listenings, and go over the homework from the night before. I: Precalculus. I hope I understand the notes, otherwise my homework will be impossible. The bell rings, I rush to the restroom to change for track. Hopefully the big stall is open, I always feel cramped in the little stalls. I change, put my hair in a ponytail, and change into my running shoes. At practice I run, or high jump, and then I go home. On Monday and Wednesday I have soccer afterward, and then I get home at 8:30 p.m. I finish my work, take a bath or shower, and go to bed. I look forward to going to bed all day. Usually, from the moment I wake up, I want to go back to sleep. I love feeling safe and not stressed, and feeling warm and comfortable under my covers. Sometimes I pull the covers all the way over my head, as if to hide from the stress and the pressure. But then I get up the next morning and go through the same routine. What I have failed to ask myself before now is…why do I do this to myself? Why do I do the same thing everyday? I focus on trying to get through each day, and do my best at everything. Is it because of the achievement bound society that I live in? Is it the college mentality that many people have? I don’t know what college I want to go to. I don’t know anything about what college I want to go to. I don’t know what I want to major in, or what job I want to have. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. But I accept this rigorous daily schedule each day, for what? I guess to prepare myself for a better future, to do the best I can now so that I will have a head start later in life, because I worked so hard. I don’t know. I am sure that many of you have similar daily schedules like me, or maybe even more rigorous and stressful. Why do we do this to ourselves you guys? Why have I been stuck in this cycle of trying to do better at everything? Why have I never questioned the system, this cycle that we are stuck in day in and day out? Maybe because I am scared of my unknown future, and it is easier to deal with getting through each day than to question why I do things. Maybe I know I can’t escape from this cycle, and I think that if I try I’ll just make things worse.

            After high school, hopefully we will all go to college, and then some of us will go to medical school, or get a PhD., then we’ll get a job, and then we’ll get a better job, and then we’ll get an even better job, and then we’ll get a better job than that job and so on and so forth. In our society we are always trying to improve or do better, if you take a break, or try to escape from the system, it seems like you just fall flat on your face, you have to start back at square one. How did our society get like this? How is it possible that we get negatively affected by taking a simple break? And why don’t we question the way our society is? I think it is because we think that if we defy the system, then we will lose something, like our job, or money, a grade on a test, precious time to work hard and do better. I am scared to question the system for fear of what will happen if I do. Why have I never asked myself, why do I do this to myself? Because it seems like there is no other way. If I want to succeed, everyone says I have to get a good education, and do well in school. I feel like I have no choice than but to go along with the system. It’s not that I want to be the best, it’s that that is what expected of me. Who expects that of me? Society, I guess. Who says, you have to keep pushing until you get to the top? I think it is the American mentality, which seems to encourage us not to be satisfied with what we have. It’s as if this cycle is some crazy never ending circus, and you have to keep jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to get to the next level, and the next level, and the next level, and then what? Get to an even higher level, I guess.

What I am trying to get across to you guys, is that, even though we live in this society that is so achievement bound and it seems like people are never satisfied with what they have, it is important to question the system. Ask yourself, why do I do this to myself everyday? In this stressful society, I lost track of my dreams, I don’t even know if I have dreams, or what they are if I do. At least, if I haven’t lost track of my dreams, I don’t think about them on a daily basis, because I am too busy trying to get through each day. But now, I know that I have some power over this crazy society, we all do, in fact, I think it is even a responsibility, to question society, even defy it. It seems like society or the cycle, or whatever the THING is that tells us that we have to do our best and go through these stressful daily routines is trying to get us stuck in this cycle, without hope, and stressed out. We didn’t have a choice to be thrust into this society, but we have the opportunity to defy it. Because do you know what is even scarier than losing track of your dreams? Losing track of your self. We live in this cycle, I know I for one, am stuck in it, we take things for granted, we think that this path through life is what we should be doing. No. We have to figure some things out for ourselves, we need to figure out our dreams and take time out of each day to think about them. We can’t just accept living one way or another. We need to question things, defy them sometimes, otherwise, guys, we’ll lose a sense of who we are, our individual identities, and personalities. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Hey, guys, we’re alive, we should be happy just for that, and the fact that we are blessed to be living in this world, in this time, in this place. If you take one thing away from this speech, love life, love who you are, hold on to the things you love, and definitely don’t be afraid to question things. Because sometimes it seems like trying harder and doing better are the only things that matter, but that is not true, and I think we all know that deep, deep down.

Miranda Landfield Section F

The Importance of Asking…Why?

 

I wake up. I press the button on my alarm that lets me sleep for 4-minute increments until I finally get myself out of bed and turn off my alarm clock. I take off my covers, and climb down the ladder. I go to the bathroom, put on my clothes, brush my hair, and wash my face. I put on sun block, take my socks from the stool in the bathroom, and go upstairs. Then I sit down at my desk and do my homework. Most days, I eat my breakfast while I work. Some days I don’t eat my breakfast at all. Other days, I eat some while I work and take the rest to school with me. Then my parents tell me to pack up. I run downstairs, pack up my clothes for track, pack my rolling backpack with my textbooks, my backpack with what I need for the first few periods, my track bag, and put these bags and my lunchbox by the door. Then I brush my teeth, and jump in the car with my bags. Then my dad drives my sister and I to school. We usually leave late, which is, more often than not, my fault. When we get there, the bell is ringing and the security guard in the front is yelling, “let’s go ladies!” I jump out of the car, grab my bags and say, “I love you” to my dad. I run through the front gates, rush to advisory, and tell Mr. Krewatch that I am here. After two minutes of waiting in the room for the second bell to ring, I am vaguely aware of a nagging feeling that I should be working on my homework, or studying, or doing something “productive,” but then the bell rings, and it’s too late anyway. I rush off to first period, which, on the first day of the rotation is Chemistry. Chemistry notes. Yeah. Then I have C period, some days it is singing special studies with Mr. Scarbrough, some days it is free. I have free at D too, which I always work all the way through, unless I have a meeting with a teacher. At E period, APUS, I hope he doesn’t collect chapter notes. Then I would probably have lunch. If I don’t have a meeting, then I glance out at the glistening green grass of the field and vibrant faces of people laughing and enjoying lunch with their friends. Then I disappointedly retreat to a classroom to work through lunch. At F, English, I prepare my brain for a discussion of Zoot Suit or other American Literature. G: Free, or in other words, a 45 minute study hall. H: Spanish III Honors: Most days we do current event reading, AP listenings, and go over the homework from the night before. I: Precalculus. I hope I understand the notes, otherwise my homework will be impossible. The bell rings, I rush to the restroom to change for track. Hopefully the big stall is open, I always feel cramped in the little stalls. I change, put my hair in a ponytail, and change into my running shoes. At practice I run, or high jump, and then I go home. On Monday and Wednesday I have soccer afterward, and then I get home at 8:30 p.m. I finish my work, take a bath or shower, and go to bed. I look forward to going to bed all day. Usually, from the moment I wake up, I want to go back to sleep. I love feeling safe and not stressed, and feeling warm and comfortable under my covers. Sometimes I pull the covers all the way over my head, as if to hide from the stress and the pressure. But then I get up the next morning and go through the same routine. What I have failed to ask myself before now is…why do I do this to myself? Why do I do the same thing everyday? I focus on trying to get through each day, and do my best at everything. Is it because of the achievement bound society that I live in? Is it the college mentality that many people have? I don’t know what college I want to go to. I don’t know anything about what college I want to go to. I don’t know what I want to major in, or what job I want to have. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. But I accept this rigorous daily schedule each day, for what? I guess to prepare myself for a better future, to do the best I can now so that I will have a head start later in life, because I worked so hard. I don’t know. I am sure that many of you have similar daily schedules like me, or maybe even more rigorous and stressful. Why do we do this to ourselves you guys? Why have I been stuck in this cycle of trying to do better at everything? Why have I never questioned the system, this cycle that we are stuck in day in and day out? Maybe because I am scared of my unknown future, and it is easier to deal with getting through each day than to question why I do things. Maybe I know I can’t escape from this cycle, and I think that if I try I’ll just make things worse.

            After high school, hopefully we will all go to college, and then some of us will go to medical school, or get a PhD., then we’ll get a job, and then we’ll get a better job, and then we’ll get an even better job, and then we’ll get a better job than that job and so on and so forth. In our society we are always trying to improve or do better, if you take a break, or try to escape from the system, it seems like you just fall flat on your face, you have to start back at square one. How did our society get like this? How is it possible that we get negatively affected by taking a simple break? And why don’t we question the way our society is? I think it is because we think that if we defy the system, then we will lose something, like our job, or money, a grade on a test, precious time to work hard and do better. I am scared to question the system for fear of what will happen if I do. Why have I never asked myself, why do I do this to myself? Because it seems like there is no other way. If I want to succeed, everyone says I have to get a good education, and do well in school. I feel like I have no choice than but to go along with the system. It’s not that I want to be the best, it’s that that is what expected of me. Who expects that of me? Society, I guess. Who says, you have to keep pushing until you get to the top? I think it is the American mentality, which seems to encourage us not to be satisfied with what we have. It’s as if this cycle is some crazy never ending circus, and you have to keep jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop to get to the next level, and the next level, and the next level, and then what? Get to an even higher level, I guess.

What I am trying to get across to you guys, is that, even though we live in this society that is so achievement bound and it seems like people are never satisfied with what they have, it is important to question the system. Ask yourself, why do I do this to myself everyday? In this stressful society, I lost track of my dreams, I don’t even know if I have dreams, or what they are if I do. At least, if I haven’t lost track of my dreams, I don’t think about them on a daily basis, because I am too busy trying to get through each day. But now, I know that I have some power over this crazy society, we all do, in fact, I think it is even a responsibility, to question society, even defy it. It seems like society or the cycle, or whatever the THING is that tells us that we have to do our best and go through these stressful daily routines is trying to get us stuck in this cycle, without hope, and stressed out. We didn’t have a choice to be thrust into this society, but we have the opportunity to defy it. Because do you know what is even scarier than losing track of your dreams? Losing track of your self. We live in this cycle, I know I for one, am stuck in it, we take things for granted, we think that this path through life is what we should be doing. No. We have to figure some things out for ourselves, we need to figure out our dreams and take time out of each day to think about them. We can’t just accept living one way or another. We need to question things, defy them sometimes, otherwise, guys, we’ll lose a sense of who we are, our individual identities, and personalities. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Hey, guys, we’re alive, we should be happy just for that, and the fact that we are blessed to be living in this world, in this time, in this place. If you take one thing away from this speech, love life, love who you are, hold on to the things you love, and definitely don’t be afraid to question things. Because sometimes it seems like trying harder and doing better are the only things that matter, but that is not true, and I think we all know that deep, deep down.

Draft of My Speech

Injustice

The first thing to establish is…what is justice? To me…it is fairness and righteousness. It is preserving honor and trust in society. It is doing the right thing, the just thing, no matter who is watching. Injustice, or, a lack of justice, has affected me ever since I was little. When I was 4 or 5 and I would watch Disney movies, whenever the villain lied, or did something that was unfair, I was positively outraged. Like in the Little Mermaid, when evil Ursula puts a spell on Ariel, it’s not fair, because Ariel can’t do anything about it, and she even trusts Ursula, which made me really scared, because then Ursula could take advantage of her, and so on and so forth. I remember when I was about 10 years old, I was playing a soccer game, and the other team had the ball on one side of the field, and I was sprinting back to stop them when, all of a sudden, something clipped the back of my ankle, and I slid across the field (grass, dirt, rocks) face first. I looked up to find that the referee had (accidentally) tripped me. Before I could get up the other team scored. I understand that the referee didn’t mean to trip me, and of course he immediately apologized, but, I was so outraged that he had tripped me and then the other team had scored. I don’t know if it would have made a difference in that game, but, we lost, and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that maybe, if I had run back, I could have stopped them, or maybe I could have scored a goal for my own team. But the reality of the fact is, I couldn’t play for the rest of that game, not because of physical injury, because aside from a few scratches, I was perfectly fine, but, emotionally, I was distraught, I was taken with seemingly uncontrollable tears, and I was unbelievably mad at the same time, I couldn’t believe it. I was so caught up in the unfairness that I felt, that I couldn’t focus on the task at hand, I was stuck in the past, and I was so emotionally affected by the experience, that I couldn’t play. That’s the problem, I can’t just let go of injustice and things that I feel aren’

t fair, I just keep thinking about them, and I get more and more frustrated about the fact that I am helpless to change the situation.

            When I did my monologue for the Shakespeare competition, I chose to do a speech in which Joan of Arc has just basically been disowned by her own father, and then she pleas for her life in front of a court of people. She has been unjustly accused, and she knows it, and she knows that she will be avenged for her innocent death by heaven almighty. The important part is that she pretty much knows that she is going to die, but she knows in her heart that she was unjustly accused. That is what I could relate to, the passionate feeling of defending herself against injustice. Only the problem is, I haven’t yet developed the use of Shakespearian prose to argue my point, in fact, I am usually so outraged at injustice that I either explode with anger, or I break down crying, but sometimes, I hold it in, as if in rebellion, like I am wearing the mask that I am simply indifferent so that I don’

t even give them the satisfaction of seeing my anger or tears. It is complicated, and it always affects me in a deep way, no matter how I deal with it or

choose to show it. For me, it is a problem, because it affects me to a large extent whether I show it or not. If I show it, I am almost uncontrollable, either with tears, or anger. If I choose to hold it in, then it affects me emotionally, I am cranky, I often refuse to talk, feel like I am on the verge of tears. It is a fault. I can’

t just let it go and move on, try to make things better, or just try to live in the moment. It is a problem that I struggle with on a somewhat regular basis.

            I feel injustice often and it affects me quite deeply. At the last Varsity Basketball game of the season, I was slightly out of control, in terms of the fact that I kept yelling at the referees, it was really bad, and embarrassing, when I think back on it. The referees kept on calling fouls on our players, to the point that two of our players fouled out (one of which was Nicki Speed, I was outraged when I looked  at the face of Nicki Speed, a senior, at her last Marlborough basketball game, who fouled out as a result of what I felt was unfair refereeing. When there was about two minutes left in the game and the Mustangs had about a 15 point deficit, when she realized that they were going to lose and tears came streaming down her face, and I knew, whether or not they would have won the game, the referees decided the outcome of that game. That is not supposed to happen. The refs should protect the players from dangerous or unfair play, but it seemed like they called a foul every time our players touched the other team.

            I remember experiences throughout my life of times when I have felt injustice, often in great detail, because it is something that is very important to me. I want to preserve justice, make people trust each other, and create trust in society. Maybe someday I’ll be able to achieve some of these things, but, for now, I don’t know. My deep reactions to injustice are in some ways, good, because they show that I want to preserve justice and am outraged when people do things that are unfair or unfair things happen. But in some ways, they are bad because at times, I am out of control, or if I choose to hold my feelings in, then I bubble up and almost get even more angry, because I am keeping my fermenting anger in, instead of just letting it out. I have to figure out for myself, how to deal with my frustration about injustice in a positive and embracing way. I have to figure out how to live in the moment and try to make things that are unjust, just, instead of just constantly thinking about experiences of injustice I have had, and thinking about how frustrated I am about them. I don’

t know if I will ever figure out how to overcome injustice for myself, and if I will ever be successful in overcoming justice in society. What I do know, though, is what my goal is, whether or not I will ever be successful, I have identified that I want to overcome injustice, whether just for myself, for society, for women, for the human race, I want to overcome injustice, and that is my goal.

 

Showing instead of telling, doing it instead of having to explain it (in relation to saying: this speech is almost like a blog for me or this speech—

breaking the 4^th wall)

 

Zoot suit. I felt very frustrated at the unfairness and clear racial prejudice of the jury against the chicano young men. It was clear that no matter George said in their defense, the young men were going to get convicted because that jury and the city of Los Angeles at that time was so caught up in racial discrimination, that they weren’t able to see through the prosecutions pathetic attempt at making the boys look like they had done it. It reminds me of the movie “To Kill a Mockingbird”, when Atticus so valiantly and passionately fought for innocent Tom Robinson, and the prosecution clearly made some obvious mistakes. It would have only taken a little bit of common sense to see that Atticus clearly proved, with concrete evidence, that Tom didn’t do it, but it was almost as if the jury’

s eyes were veiled by racial discrimination. The Court of Law is the epitome of justice. People expect it to preserve justice in society and make people feel safe and secure, and trust in the courts and the police who protect society from the effects of injustice to do their duty and punish those people who deserve to be punished [I forgot to blog before Sunday night this week. But this was posted on Wednesday, I am so sorry, I only remembered just now.] 

BLOG # 8: Continued Reflection on Beyond the Color Line (After We Have Finished the Portions of the movie that we are going to watch.)

 Part 1: Institutions (army and police force) & Racism in the South

Summary (how I see it): The army and police force nowadays have changed A LOT from what they were, and they are mostly “colorblind” with few exceptions. In terms of the South, many African Americans feel a certain, almost nostalgic, attachment to the South, as the place of their ancestors, and also, as the founding place of the Civil Rights Movement. It is where they feel at home, more than that, they think of it as their home, where they belong. Many who experienced racism when they were children, such as Morgan Freeman, still perceive the South as their home and the place where they belong.

 

Part 2: The Chicago Projects (racism in poverty)

Interviews with a family that had been in poverty for generations, interview with a young man living in poverty, and an interview with a prison inmate. The Chicago Projects is an impoverished and crime filled community dominated by African Americans. The conversation/interview with the woman who was the head of a household that included 3 generations of poverty was very sad, the woman was filled with hopelessness about her future and the future of her children and the future of her children’s children. She thought that even though they had decided to tear down the huge, claustrophobic building that she lived in at the time, she was still sure that the crime, drugs, violence, and poverty that she lived with at that point would follow her, along with her neighbors to another place, wherever they ended up settling. Their living conditions were almost sickening, in extreme heat they were stuck in this claustrophobic building with over 1000 other inhabitants. That, and her lack of hope for her future and the generations following her was very sad, and it was clear that there were so many other people and families in her same predicament, it was really quite sad.

The interview with the young man who was striving to leave the projects and create a better future for himself was also very sad. I can’t remember the exact numbers but I think that the young man could make about 10 times more money selling drugs per week than he made per year working at Popeye’s. He said Popeye’s was really the only job that he could find, and it was clear that he was trying to do the right thing by having a job, instead of dealing drugs, but it is easy to see how tempting it probably is for him to just sell drugs to make more money and get himself out of his impoverished and crime filled community. It is really sad.

The interview with the prison inmate was a little bit more uplifting and was actually a very revealing interview. It was perhaps the most open and interesting interview in the whole movie. The inmate expressed the fact that he had been in jail numerous times before, and that it had actually been kind of fun when he was younger, but now that he realized he was getting older, and had a wife and kids to take care of, he thought he would try to do better and not do anything that might result in his being sent to jail. In his eyes, the corruption in his community was because of a lack of role models for children, especially young boys to look up to. He said growing up he had not had a father in the house, because most fathers had left their wives, were involved with drugs or alcohol, or were in jail. He said that as a young boy, when he walked out his front door, he saw drugs, and violence, and crime, not firefighters, or professors or more positive occupations and role models. The man seemed very intelligent and experienced and he was very open in speaking with Gates. When Gates pointed out his intelligence and said that he could become a teacher, the man responded “I know”, but he went on to say that if he became a teacher or a professor he would just leave his community, and that would just add to the problem of having a lack of good role models in his community. What he had to say was very interesting, and I thought that it was a great interview.

 Part 3: Didn’t watch (racism in wealth)

 Part 4: Racism in Hollywood (the industry)

For African American actors at the top, overall they felt that a star is a star, no matter what their race. Pretty consistently the actors revealed that, yes, they had experienced their fair share of racism in their lives, but that the fact was, they had to just overcome it.

For actors that were struggling to make a living acting, they said that especially the color of their skin, whether it was darker or lighter seemed to have an affect on how successful they were, because, somehow, the fact that their skin was lighter seemed to have some kind of effect on how appealing they were to play a role. They said that they really felt racism when they auditioned for a commercial and they saw someone of a different race on the commercial on TV. I think this is true to an extent, but I think that all struggling actors deal with the fact that sometimes casting directors aren’t sure what kind of actor they want for a part, until they see all of the actors audition.

I thought Gates’ conversation with a famous director in the industry was particularly interesting. He talked about how a film starring two white actors would generally bring in about twice as much in the box office as a movie starring two African American actors, even if they are famous. The director attributed this fact to modern consumer culture, and the fact that people are more likely to go to a movie starring two white stars than a movie starring two well-known African American actors. This is a really sad fact, and I have to say that I thought a lot about how to change this, and I haven’t come up with a solution yet.

 Q: What was the purpose of this film?

 A: To explore racial views and perspectives towards African Americans and see how much times have changed, or whether African American people still feel largely affected by racial stereotypes, prejudices, and views. Also to explore African American lifestyles and their differences and how much they have changed over the last number of years.

 Q: To what extent was that purpose fulfilled?

 A: I thought Henry Lewis Gates Jr. and the people behind the making of the documentary did a really good job of interviewing a large scope of people, from famous African American movie stars to impoverished people living in the Chicago Projects, who are threatened daily by crime, drugs, and violence. The one thing about the movie that I would have liked to have added, was a closing statement from Gates about what he thought about racial views today, based on the movie, because, I feel like there was a lot of information packed into the movie. I would have liked Gates to make an arching, across the board statement about racial views in modern times, saying first that the viewer was encouraged to have their own opinion on the subject, but that, based on what he had witnessed, across the board, with a few exceptions, he made blank observation. Whatever it was, I feel like he addressed the making of this movie as being based on his own curiosity about African American lifestyles and how they have changed, and I think it would have been really interesting to see what he found and what he thought of his observations. Obviously, he might have a different opinion about it than me, or anyone else who watched the movie, but I am curious as to what he observed overall, or what he thought about the issue of racial views, especially after witnessing all of the movie first hand.

 Q: Have racial prejudices and discrimination changed to a large extent, or are they still a major barrier for large numbers of people?

 A: Yes, they have changed to a large extent, but in many cases, not even racial views, but the idea of segregation or integration is almost the same, even in all African American communities. White people often don’t feel comfortable living in those places that are dominated by almost all African American populations, and vice versa. I think the real answer is that, yes they have changed, but that they are still a big societal problem. The most prominent example of this was in the section about the army, when the white general was talking to Gates about a private who didn’t respect or obey the orders of an African American general, because his father had told him that he was never to obey the orders of an African American person. I thought this was very sad and a good indicator that racial prejudices and negative perspectives still have a big effect on society.

 Q: Was the movie biased at all?

 To a very minimal extent, but I was offended during some of the parts where I felt that Gates spoke about white people in a somewhat condescending or at least negative, manner. As I have said, I thought the movie was very well done, and I really enjoyed watching it, I am just being open on my blog about the fact that I was a little bit offended in some parts of the movie. Again, this was only to a very minimal extent, and I think it was actually only once during the course of the movie that I was offended. I am just putting that out there. Well, I feel bad about saying that, but I have said that I enjoyed the movie, there was just one part that I felt a little bit offended. And this is my blog so I think I am allowed to just be open about what I think and feel.

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